The modern world can be a very lonely place, particularly with its constant distractions and options. In a sea of opinions and expectations fuelled by the outside perception of you, how do you create confidence instead of waiting to find it?
Before we dive into how you can be more confident, let’s set the premise straight. Expression is a basic human need and a direct contributor to generating confidence. Having said that, building confidence is far from a one-off exercise. It takes consistent effort and a certain boldness to accept who you are. In this regard, working with a life coach in Melbourne can help you streamline your efforts to be a more confident and expressive person.
Good posture is so much more than a tool for fitness. It’s a critical non-verbal cue in the social hierarchy. If you’ve ever watched a confident person walk down the street, you’ll likely observe that their posture is straight and tall. It’s not a forced, fabricated habit that confident people imbibe. Having a good posture makes you agile and focused. But it does so much more. It signals to the world that you are reliable and adept at managing conflict. You become steadfast and someone who can be looked up to. That’s why people feel more powerful and more attractive when they walk tall and stand straight.
Try walking around with perfect posture for a day or two and see how it feels.
Know your why.
You may be unaware of it, but you’re constantly deciding whether something is worth your time and energy. The more value you place on the activity, the more benefit it offers, more likely you are to take action. If the thought of doing something makes your stomach sink and gives you a headache, this task is unlikely to be worth doing to begin with.
Knowing your why can be a big boost to your confidence simply because it lets you prioritize, choose, say no, and declutter your life. When you know your ‘why,’ the resistance to do a task inexorably reduces. At the same time, it becomes easy for you to bounce back into action after a lull.
Own your story.
As you move ahead in life, it’s very common to feel alienated and experience this gap between who you are and what you aspire to be. You may feel you are losing your footing, and you may have your self-worth crushed on bad days. But only you know how far you’ve come or what you’ve survived, and you need to acknowledge and own it. Your story is yours and yours alone. No one can own it. You have the power to define who you are and how you want other people to perceive you. Not being ashamed of your story means you have the wisdom and the context to decide where you are going in life and what you want. It instills in you a confidence that is humbling and inward.
Once you realize the fluidity of your story and how you can rewrite the plot, you can now put more control and agency in your own hands. As a result, you become confident in who you are and can shoulder responsibility without any need to please or flatter your way to success.
Express with empathy.
True confidence is a product of self-assuredness, and that comes with self-acceptance. When you express yourself empathetically and with kindness, your words become much more powerful. Instead of speaking for the sake of it, if you pause for a moment and assess the potential impact of your words on the other person, you’ll choose them wisely. It may feel like empathy has nothing to do with confidence, but this will pay off big time in the long run!
When you know how to express yourself without sounding rude or belittling others, you’ll feel so much more confident while dealing with people and with relationships. This one quality makes sets you up for success in both your personal and professional life.
Improve your self-talk.
Imagine having a friend who is constantly telling you how you screwed up and how inadequate you are. You wouldn’t want to spend more than a day with this person. Yet most of us have become that toxic friend in our own lives. The one person you spend the most time with is you. So, what you say about yourself matters a lot more than you think. The quality of your self-talk is a critical indicator of your confidence level.
To improve your self-talk, you first have to be aware of it. Cultivate a habit of catching yourself in the middle of a mental conversation you are having about your situation. What’s your stance? Are you the kind, supportive adult or the harsh inner critic who doesn’t know any other language except that of guilt and shame?
Once you become aware of negative self-talk, slowly and steadily replace it with a kinder and reassuring dialogue. This is harder than it sounds and doesn’t come naturally. That’s why working with a life coach in Melbourne can help you get better at this. A life coach near you can help you identify the why and how behind your worldview and your self-worth. If what you think about yourself is strongly tied to your childhood and your relationship with parent figures, it’s going to impact every aspect of your life. A life coach will help you be more objective with these mindsets you’ve been carrying and give you the tools you need to see yourself in a new light.
Show up every day.
The truth is, you don’t know what you don’t know, and there will always be something you don’t know. And not knowing something makes you feel underconfident. But if you shift the metrics, it doesn’t have to stay that way. The true metric of success is not how much you have or how much you know but how much you are willing to learn. And learning something building something takes time, patience, and the ability to show up every day without holding a trial against yourself. Confidence needs a shoulder to stand on, and that shoulder is action.
Set goals that align with your values.
This one has practically become a cliché, but it’s repeated for a reason. You’ll only be able to change or push yourself if the goals you set mean something to YOU. When you set goals that look good on the outside and are meant to tick boxes as opposed to bring you close to your authentic self, you’ll find that something feels off. You’ll have to motivate yourself every other day and work extra hard; none of it feels pleasant. The key is to find out what your values are. What brings you joy? What makes you curious? What is more important than your ego?
Once you know this, do more of what brings you closer to these goals. You don’t need to go overboard with measuring and tracking your every move. Just go with the flow and do a little something every day that fills your cup.
As with any skill, practice is the key to success. It takes time to improve your confidence, and you will see results if you keep practicing the above! Be comfortable with your now but be willing to create a better future for yourself. And if you need help along the way, feel free to reach out to Leigh Stafford for a free personal coaching session in Melbourne.